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About Varied / Student Member Cielle T. Merbien17/Female/United States Group :iconfictionwillliveon: FictionWillLiveOn
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heaven-is-lonely
Cielle T. Merbien
Artist | Student | Varied
United States
"10 POINT" COMMISSIONS ARE OPEN. SEE THIS JOURNAL FOR DETAILS. ASKS ARE ALSO OPEN. QUESTIONS ARE WELCOME.

I AM THE SATAN SPAWN, THE TERRIFYING PUFFBALL OF FIRE, THE PEOPLE MCNUGGET!!! FEAR ME!!!

Requests - Open by SweetDuke Trades - Friends Only by SweetDuke Collaborations - Friends Only by SweetDuke Point Commissions - Open by SweetDuke Gifts - Ask Me by SweetDuke

I love Feedback by Sweet-DooDo I love Feedback by Sweet-DooDo I love Feedback by Sweet-DooDo I love Feedback by Sweet-DooDo Anyone can self-harm by marshmallowcookiwolf Earning Respect by GoddessCureMystic Giving Respect by GoddessCureMystic Fandom by TheArtOfNotLikingYou Accidents by GoddessCureMystic Expect by GoddessCureMystic Fight Less by GoddessCureMystic Life by GoddessCureMystic Trust by GoddessCureMystic Amy/Ami by GoddessCureMystic Instincts by GoddessCureMystic Glitch by GoddessCureMystic Music Is A Pair Of Astral Arms Stamp by el-Jimmeister Take time to appreciate life by TheArtOfNotLikingYou Lemon Juice by GoddessCureMystic Chatterbox by iDJPanda Read stamp by regina35nocis I LOVE COLOURED PENCIL by Night-kiss2001 Imagination Stamp by ArmZulite Stamp: Ciel Phantomhive Three by mi-kuo Sebastian Stamp by Stamperella Honestly by MonotoneJynx Ciel x Lizzy Stamp by Skittledeedoo Another random stamp by MenInASuitcase I walk into Random Objects by Dragon-of-Midnight Random Kind Comment Stamp by Mirz123 spread the love by Krissi001 I'm Not Random by obsidianstamps Random Stamp by sam-ely-ember Random Stamp 1 by dragonstar10 Random Stamp by Drake1 eat flesh stamp by thechaosproject Random Stamp 3 by dragonstar10 Random Stamp 2 by dragonstar10 My gallery has No Theme by Ash-Dragon-wolf ninja squirrel stamp by war-armor Random Stamp 4 by dragonstar10 Stamp: Support MS Paint by xxsomeoneelsexx Nothing I Say Makes Sense Stmp by TOXiC-ToOtHpAsTe I have too many Messages by Dragon-of-Midnight Alois Stamp 1 by cakoir WUT Stamp by Drake1 thanks to hetalia... by sugarbearkitty Sebby stamp by Tkaczka STAMP: Team Phantomhive by madelezabeth Rock Star by fricken-pimp APH - Nordic Stamp by Gabbi Procrastination Stamp by SweetDuke Day Dreamer Stamp by Sora05 Wishful Thinking by whispwill Hopeless Dreamer by SsGirlo I Love The Rain by Wearwolfaa Sherlock Holmes STAMP by ForeverSonu :.Stamp::Doctor Who Quote.: by LordOfPastries Professional Stamp by saporion merlin stamp by AcraViolet Smile I Dare You stamp by smilekeeper

When people first meet me, they usually ask if I'm Scottish or British because I like to mess with people and use a Scottish accent. I have trained for a while now to speak with one and can on a whim but I'm just saying, I am American, born and partially raised, not Scottish, British, or Irish (another one of my mess around favourites). I do however sometimes use terminology or spelling. So just deal w/ it.

I SUPPORT THE HOLIDAY CARD PROJECT!!! Holiday Card Project Stamp by Heidi

Capstone: diabetesinsight
Ask-The-Antarctic: Ask-The-Antarctic
Ask-3p-Hetalia: Ask-3p-Hetalia
Ask-America-States: Ask-America-States
Ask-VK-Guardians: Ask-VK-Guardians
Ask-Night-Class: Ask-Night-Class
School Art Club Account: ASUPrepArtClub
Ask-The-UAE: Ask-The-UAE
Ask-TDIP: Ask-TDIP

My friends IRL: :icongamer-dragon: :iconpoizenlulu: :iconhundred-nine: :iconbronaldo9000: :icontravelersdaughter: :iconthisdeviantart: :iconmastermcbeatmixer: :iconusay13: :iconsupreme-hamster-over: :icons0n0falc0n:

--
"It's my timey-wimey detector. It goes ding when there's stuff!" - The Doctor; Doctor Who
"High-functioning sociopath. With your number." - Sherlock Holmes; Sherlock
"Well, don't think too hard. Wouldn't want you to hurt yourself." - Merlin; Merlin
Interests

Activity


  • Mood: Depressed
  • Listening to: Into The Dark - Death Cab For Cutie
I'm just going to put stuff that pop into my head when I get depressed (usually in the evening or the night times).

MAY 2ND, 2015 [10:47PM]
How is it that the one who would stay up late just to make sure he could respond to my "good night" messages now feels like talking to me is too awkward that he has to lie to me about doing homework for 8 hour straight? He never talks anymore, he never tells stories. The only thing he literally ever talks about is homework and wanting to see the girl who won't even give him a chance because, even after 5 years of trust and friendship, SHE'S too afraid that he'll just be like the last one. What happened? Is he gone? And what happened to the one who would send me the goofy texts and funny pictures just to make sure I didn't go a day without smiling? Is he gone too? Did it get to tiresome to try to make an unhappy girl smile at least once? What about the brother figures who used to pick me up and carry me out the door while I laughed and protested? Are they afraid of breaking me even more, or is picking me down too much work now? And then there's the girl I actually bonded with, loved and adored like an older sister. She hardly ever talks to me anymore unless it's to disagree with my opinions in class or otherwise.
What's happened to the world that once was? Did it all just crash and burn? Was it just a dream? Because if it's just a dream, then I want to wake up from this nightmare. Because no one wants to live in a world where everyone except for themselves has given up on them.
I haven't given up on trying to get myself the help I need. It's everyone else that's given up on giving me the help I need.

MAY 1ST, 2015 [11:33PM]
Professionals recommend that you try to reach out to someone when you feel depressed. But what about if you're feeling depressed and are trying to reach out to people, but you've already done it so many times in the past and have had too many close calls with yourself that you know that they'll either be fed up with you, don't care, or they just won't say anything and leave you in complete silence so that you feel yourself slipping more and more into your cage of depression.
Why is that when you feel like you need the help the most.....no one seems to be around or willing to help? Am I too needy? Have I gone too far by telling someone that I'm feeling depressed every time I feel like I'm going to do something horrible to myself? Should I just not say anything and let them think that everything's okay, just until enough time has passed that me being sad and depressed actually makes sense? Or what?? What should I do? I don't know anymore, and honestly, a nice big reset button would be nice. Or a weapon. Whichever I can get my hands on first.

MAY 1ST, 2015 [10:25PM]
Is it bad that I envy happy people for having something to be happy about, but also that I envy sad people for actually having something to be sad about? Like, real things to be really sad about......
Do I have to have a reason for being sad? Of course I do, otherwise people will just tell me that I'm not allowed to be sad because I have nothing to be sad about....right???
Is it bad that I envy happy people for having something to be happy about, but also that I envy sad people for actually having something to be sad about?
  • Mood: Depressed
  • Listening to: Afterlife - Ingrid Michaelson
  • Reading: Mockingjay
Okay so it's about 12:41AM where I am and I'm scrolling around on social media because I can't sleep and I found this Tumblr thing and it sparked an idea in my head to make a comic about a ghost that came from a body that turned into a zombie and the zombie does all these weird/crazy/stupid zombie things and the ghost is the "shaking-head-in-disappointment" character and they have weird adventures as a ghost-zombie duo.

So I'm also saying, in my dazed and confused state, if you guys have any other suggestions, or possible comic ideas that you want to see me draw out, that would be supremely awesome and I rarely ever think that an idea is a bad one, so if you have one, just note me and I'll get back to you!

Thanks guys, and I hope this actually goes somewhere. I've got two other grounded-for-the-moment comics, The Adventures of Snat the Snail and Kitty Pirate and Fish 'N' Chips, that I'd also appreciate superb ideas for. So I'm hoping that these three comics do some good for me as an artist. :)
  • Mood: Depressed
  • Listening to: Afterlife - Ingrid Michaelson
  • Reading: Mockingjay
So I'm not going to ask my parents to put me on meds. I was doing some serious research and I decided that it wasn't the right choice for me. I've made it this far (albeit, there have been MANY relapses) without meds, so why not just go the rest of the way without them right?

I know that I'm going to be really depressed and lonely for the rest of my life but that's how it is when you have chronic depression and BD.

What also swayed my decision was the fact that I've been really sick lately (physically, not just emotionally or mentally) and I've had to take a lot of medicines, mainly pills, and there have been times when I've considered going overboard and just downing the whole bottle. With those thoughts, I've gotten scared of doing anything so I'm staying away from meds for that reason too.

Thanks for all the support guys. I love you all.
  • Mood: Depressed
  • Listening to: Afterlife - Ingrid Michaelson
  • Reading: Mockingjay
So, some time a few months back, I was thinking of asking my parents to put me on anti-depressants and prescribed sleeping pills because I had been feeling like crud and secret therapy with friends and specialists wasn't working. And then I made a couple of new friends and they had been helping me through things. Things had been going really great, but now I feel more and more depressed (for reasons that I am very incapable of understanding myself) and I don't want to do something to myself and then regret it later. So I'm trying to see how medication has affected other people to see if it's really worth looking into for myself.

So my question is, have you had any experience with being on anti-depressants, sleeping pills, or other medicinal drugs for chemical imbalances? And would you recommend them for someone like me?
  • Mood: Depressed
  • Listening to: Into The Dark - Death Cab For Cutie
I'm just going to put stuff that pop into my head when I get depressed (usually in the evening or the night times).

MAY 2ND, 2015 [10:47PM]
How is it that the one who would stay up late just to make sure he could respond to my "good night" messages now feels like talking to me is too awkward that he has to lie to me about doing homework for 8 hour straight? He never talks anymore, he never tells stories. The only thing he literally ever talks about is homework and wanting to see the girl who won't even give him a chance because, even after 5 years of trust and friendship, SHE'S too afraid that he'll just be like the last one. What happened? Is he gone? And what happened to the one who would send me the goofy texts and funny pictures just to make sure I didn't go a day without smiling? Is he gone too? Did it get to tiresome to try to make an unhappy girl smile at least once? What about the brother figures who used to pick me up and carry me out the door while I laughed and protested? Are they afraid of breaking me even more, or is picking me down too much work now? And then there's the girl I actually bonded with, loved and adored like an older sister. She hardly ever talks to me anymore unless it's to disagree with my opinions in class or otherwise.
What's happened to the world that once was? Did it all just crash and burn? Was it just a dream? Because if it's just a dream, then I want to wake up from this nightmare. Because no one wants to live in a world where everyone except for themselves has given up on them.
I haven't given up on trying to get myself the help I need. It's everyone else that's given up on giving me the help I need.

MAY 1ST, 2015 [11:33PM]
Professionals recommend that you try to reach out to someone when you feel depressed. But what about if you're feeling depressed and are trying to reach out to people, but you've already done it so many times in the past and have had too many close calls with yourself that you know that they'll either be fed up with you, don't care, or they just won't say anything and leave you in complete silence so that you feel yourself slipping more and more into your cage of depression.
Why is that when you feel like you need the help the most.....no one seems to be around or willing to help? Am I too needy? Have I gone too far by telling someone that I'm feeling depressed every time I feel like I'm going to do something horrible to myself? Should I just not say anything and let them think that everything's okay, just until enough time has passed that me being sad and depressed actually makes sense? Or what?? What should I do? I don't know anymore, and honestly, a nice big reset button would be nice. Or a weapon. Whichever I can get my hands on first.

MAY 1ST, 2015 [10:25PM]
Is it bad that I envy happy people for having something to be happy about, but also that I envy sad people for actually having something to be sad about? Like, real things to be really sad about......
Do I have to have a reason for being sad? Of course I do, otherwise people will just tell me that I'm not allowed to be sad because I have nothing to be sad about....right???

Commissions

Themed Crafts
Crest of Hearts by heaven-is-lonely
Crest of Heats Proto by heaven-is-lonely
New Year's, Valentine's, St. Patrick's, Graduation, Back to school, Halloween, Christmas, Birthdays, etc. You name it, I'll try to make it.
Word Art (Signature)
Sherlock Signatures by heaven-is-lonely
Sherlock Holmes by heaven-is-lonely
Molly Hooper by heaven-is-lonely
James Moriarty by heaven-is-lonely
Mary Morstan by heaven-is-lonely
John Watson by heaven-is-lonely
CUSTOMISABLE
Word Art (Letter)
A by heaven-is-lonely
Letter A by heaven-is-lonely
CUSTOMISABLE
Word Art (Name Lettering)
BailieTwinOmega by heaven-is-lonely
BailieTwinAlpha by heaven-is-lonely
CUSTOMISABLE
Word Art (Quote)
Cathal Quote by heaven-is-lonely
Choices by heaven-is-lonely
DW Quote#2 by heaven-is-lonely
Just Because... by heaven-is-lonely
Olaf Quote by heaven-is-lonely
For Every Time by heaven-is-lonely
CUSTOMISABLE

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Comments


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:iconbbrae1994:
BBRAE1994 Featured By Owner May 2, 2015  Student Artist
Thank you for all of the faves
Reply
:iconcel140:
Cel140 Featured By Owner Apr 2, 2015  Student General Artist
Thank you so much for the faves!!
Reply
:icontssocm:
TSSOCM Featured By Owner Mar 27, 2015  Student General Artist
:iconthanku4fav1plz::iconthanku4fav2plz::iconthanku4fav3plz: 

LashKomari Kamikita (Smile) [V1] 
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:icontssocm:
TSSOCM Featured By Owner Mar 26, 2015  Student General Artist
Thank you very much for joining The Secret Society Of Chocolate Meows~!! Feel free to submit your art work into our gallery so that it can be viewed by our fellow members. We thank you for joining this proud organization~!! If you experience any difficulties please note one of the admins, and we will fix what ever is in error. Have a fantastic day~!! 
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:iconcel140:
Cel140 Featured By Owner Mar 17, 2015  Student General Artist
Thank you for the fave! :D
Reply
:iconridesfire:
Ridesfire Featured By Owner Feb 25, 2015  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Thank you for the favorite!
Reply
:iconridesfire:
Ridesfire Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2015  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Thanks for watching!
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:iconkage58:
kage58 Featured By Owner Feb 22, 2015  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you for the favs :D
Reply
:icontsunamiclan:
TsunamiClan Featured By Owner Feb 22, 2015  Student Traditional Artist
Thanks for the fave!
Reply
:iconphantompawprints:
PhantomPawPrints Featured By Owner Feb 16, 2015  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
Thanks for the fave :hug:
Reply
:iconthefemaledoctor1073:
TheFemaleDoctor1073 Featured By Owner Feb 15, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks for enjoying "My Doctor"
Reply
:icongus-ms:
gus-ms Featured By Owner Feb 7, 2015  Professional General Artist
Thank you for following! :D
Reply
:iconbritish-prophetess:
British-Prophetess Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2015  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks for the fave!
Reply
:icontssocm:
TSSOCM Featured By Owner Jan 30, 2015  Student General Artist
Thanks for the watch~!! Manaka Smile [V1] 
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:iconmad42sam:
Mad42Sam Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2015   Digital Artist
Thank you for the fav :)
Reply
:iconheaven-is-lonely:
heaven-is-lonely Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2015  Student General Artist
You're welcome!
Reply
:iconcheesew97:
cheesew97 Featured By Owner Jan 19, 2015
Thanks for the watch :)
Reply
:iconheaven-is-lonely:
heaven-is-lonely Featured By Owner Jan 19, 2015  Student General Artist
You're welcome!
Reply
:iconlove-a-lad-insane:
love-a-lad-insane Featured By Owner Jan 19, 2015  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
:iconthanksforthe01plz::iconthanksforthe02plz::iconthanksforthe03plz::iconthanksforthe04plz:
Reply
:iconheaven-is-lonely:
heaven-is-lonely Featured By Owner Jan 19, 2015  Student General Artist
You're welcome!
Reply
:iconblooming-snowflake:
Blooming-Snowflake Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2015  Student Writer
Thanks for the watch! :+devwatch:
Reply
:iconheaven-is-lonely:
heaven-is-lonely Featured By Owner Jan 19, 2015  Student General Artist
You're welcome!
Reply
:iconmuffinsarah:
MuffinSarah Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2015  Student Artisan Crafter
Thank you for the fav :hug:
Reply
:iconmuffinsarah:
MuffinSarah Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2015  Student Artisan Crafter
Thank you for the fav :hug:
Reply
:iconheaven-is-lonely:
heaven-is-lonely Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2015  Student General Artist
Of course~! Hope you have a fabulous day/night. :D
Reply
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